Dont tease me 4 by Khemiri and Billini

"NEVER do that again..."

Shame, desire and anger rushed through Anders while he was looking into Hawkes narrowed eyes. Her hands were pressed against his chest, holding him away from her, and probably it was for the best. Maker, he had kissed her, here, in the Hanged Man, in front of their friends.

Justice was rising inside of him, shouting at him that she was making fun of BOTH of them, that she was manipulative and selfish, that he should finally let go of her. Anders wanted nothing more than to listen to the spirit... but he couldn't. Still he was smelling the fragrance of her perfume, still he was tasting her on his lips.

Still he wanted what he couldn't have.

"Back off, Mage!"

It was Fenris' voice who brought him back completely. Slowly looking up, Anders saw that the elf was standing next to him, like a watch dog trained to protect.

"Fenris, I don't need your he...", Valerija started to say, obviously as unamused about the interruption as Anders, but he didn't hear the sentence end. Instead, he jumped up and left, fighting the urge to allow Justice take over control and teach the damn elf the manners he should have taught him months ago.

His vision was still blurred when he stepped into the cool Lowtowner night. Maker, what a mess!

"Anders!"

He froze. Valerija.

"Look at me!"

He pressed his lips together and turned to her.

"Don't EVER lose control like this again", she said, emphasizing every single word.

He laughed, bitterly and harshly. "Stop teasing me like this!"

Her eyes widened, then she laughed. "Anders, do you really think that I would adapt MY behavior to YOUR needs?"

"That's... what friends do...", he answered weakly.

"Well, and here you have already your answer", she stated, her voice nearly soft. "I have no friends. I have companions. I have people fighting at my sight. I make sure that they can rely on me when it comes to my magic. I make sure that I am going to protect them when they follow my cause. BUt I will NEVER bow to their needs!"

Suddenly anger was boiling through his veins. "But they deserve MORE!" he hissed. "They deserve more than being treated like your playthings on your way to power!!"

She shrugged. "Maybe. But that is all I am willing to give. So decide: Stay or leave. But stop acting like a lovesick fool!"

Maker, why couldn't he just stop thinking of her? Why couldn't he simply stop having FEELINGS for her? She was everything he condemned - a selfish, arrogant person - but still he wanted to be with her, hoping that she would allow him to see her soft and vulnerable side.

He shook his head, suddenly realizing that he wasn't really better than she was. He wanted her to give him something HE needed. Wanted her to fill this longing and aching hole deep inside of him with love and power and passion. In the end he wasn't less selfish than she was, he was just able to hide it better.

And besides: He needed her power and determination in his fight for the mages freedom.

"So?" she asked, sounding impatiently.

He met her eyes. "I will stay."

She nodded. "Good." The teasing smile he knew so well appeared on her lips. "You should really find someone to blow off some steam, Anders. This isn't healthy anymore..."

"Are you volunteering?" he asked, but it sounded bitter.

"You know that I would have", was all she answered. "But not in your current state. You aren't able to take care of a woman's needs."

And with these words, she turned and left. Only now Anders realized that Fenris had been standing all the time next to the Hanged Man's door, watching them. It seemed to be a surprise for Valerija as well, because she hissed a the elf before entering the bar again.

Fenris' and Anders' eyes met. For the first and probably last time in their lives there was a kind of understanding between them. Than the elf followed Valerija back inside the Hanged Man.

"You are right, you know?" a soft female voice said. When Anders turned his head, he saw Elena coming out of the shadows next to him. "They deserve more... YOU deserve more!"

"Have you been eavesdropping?"

She looked guilty, but only a bit. "When your friend followed you outside, I decided to do the same. Especially when I saw that the elf stood up as well!" Her voice, normally young and untroubled, sounded hard. "I know that you don't take me seriously, Anders, but this is NOT RIGHT! They have no right to treat you like this. She has no right... Maker, she is a BITCH!!"

For the first time in weeks he laughed a REAL laugh. "Elena, calm down... what would your brother say...?"

She shrugged. "I am only interested in what YOU say..."

He gulped and looked into her eyes. He saw honesty and truth, passion and determination, but also youth and naivety. He saw feelings - for him. Maybe they were strong enough to be enough for BOTH of them. But Elena also deserved MORE: More than a man who only used her, who was bitter and as good as dead.

"I... am sorry", he heard himself say. "I cannot do this."

"Anders, please, I..."

"NO!" The word was spoken out so harshly that she stumbled backwards, her eyes widened. Yes, Kitten, that's also me... I am not always warm-hearted and handy... "Stay away from me", he added, steel in his voice.

Tears filled her eyes, then she whirled around and ran away, a reaction which showed him clearly that he had made the right decision. Whatever she thought to feel now was fragile and would soon fade away or being replaced by the same feeling for another man.

But she was right about one thing: He really needed MORE. He wanted a partner who was loving him without restraints, a partner accompanying him until the end.

A strange ache build deep within him when he realized that Justice was the only being coming close to this wish.

"What a mess", he mumbled, stroked through his hair and decided to do what he could do best: Not giving in, no matter the costs. NEVER surrendering.

Even if it meant that Hawke would continue teasing him forever...

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